I have been asked this question many a time so I figured it was time to write a detailed, general response about it!
I would however, like to preface this blog with a little bit of an opinion.
If you’re a man and you’re considering telling your girlfriend that you would like her bigger and/or that you would like her to explore certain aspects of your attraction/fetish with you, keep in mind it might not be exactly what you want. It is my belief that people are born with the fat attraction; it’s hardwired into them. If your girlfriend isn’t one of those people, she will never FULLY understand your wants and needs. She might come damn close and maybe you’ll even be satisfied. But for the more, what I like to call, “hardcore” FAs, certain aspects and desires may never be addressed. If you want the full experience of someone you can feed, expand and fantasize with, I would suggest looking for a woman who’s wired the same way you are ;) Personally, I don’t feel I could date a man who wasn’t wired the way I am, at least not long term. My fat attraction is a big (pun intended) part of my life, both sexually and just in fun, flirty ways and I want someone who understands it fully and someone who will support it. Okay! I’ve said what I’ve wanted to say so we’ll move on!
This has really been a hard question to answer because it can be SO different for each woman/couple. I obviously have no idea what she is like and no idea what your relationship is like. If she’s naturally very confident and your relationship is very strong, then you will most likely have fewer problems tackling this than a couple who is the exact opposite. So that’s probably my first point: confidence. How confident is your girlfriend? With her body and with her mind? How confident are YOU? If I was in the girlfriend’s shoes and my boyfriend came to me mumbling and nervous about some fat attraction, I would be much less interested in it than if he came to me knowing exactly what he wanted to say and was doing it in a flirty, somewhat sexual way that made me feel good. Anyway, back to the girl. The more confident she is, the better your chances are. However, if she’s confident BECAUSE she has a toned, athletic body, your chances would probably go down. Then again, if you’re dating someone who runs and goes to the gym regularly, you’re probably in a bad starting point to begin with.
The next thing you need to consider is how open minded is she? It’s not JUST about becoming fat and that’s it. It is a sexual experience! If she’s open to other things, whether it’s something kinky in the bedroom, trying a weird sounding dish at a restaurant or even being open minded in her political views, then it’s more likely that she will be open to trying this! Of course, being open minded sexually is probably most important. I myself am a VERY, VERY open person in every possible way. If a man came to me and said he had a foot fetish, I’d want to experiment with it! How could I not have fun giving him pleasure? However some women are not as open so tread carefully.
Next, how does she feel about her body? I know this ties in with confidence but I wanted to discuss this separately. If she complains that she wants to lose weight all the time, then it’s obvious she might not be into the idea of gaining for you. But there’s other things men don’t think about sometimes! Women like to look good, I’m sure you at least know that. And a huge part of that is style and clothing! Constantly outgrowing our cute clothes, not being able to shop wherever we want and having extra trouble finding things that are flattering is hard and very frustrating! I know it sounds like just some dumb girl problem but please take it seriously. ESPECIALLY if this isn’t wired into her, increasing clothing sizes will be hard on her. A helpful hint? If she already is plus size or you do get her to gain to the plus size level, treat her to a shopping spree every now and then! You don’t need to go crazy but surprise her with a gift card to a trendy plus size store, and go shopping WITH her! If you’re there to tell her how sexy she looks in things, she’ll be all the more pleased with her body and want to show it off for you. OH! And for the men who may not be aware: plus size clothing is more expensive than average size clothing. I have no idea why, but it is. So that’s yet another frustrating aspect. Also, the bigger you get, the harder it is to find cute stuff. Trendy, plus size clothes are in SHORT supply.
Observe her attitude towards food. If she is calorie conscious it will clearly make it harder for her to transition into eating anything and everything. If she’s more relaxed and enjoys food, then she will likely have no problem indulging herself. The same thing goes for exercise. If shes strict about it, or even slightly routine then you might have trouble. If one or some of her favourite things to do includes being active (for example, my best friend loves going bike riding for fun) then it’s less likely she will want to gain.
Take into account all of the above. If you’re still reading this because you’re still going to go ahead and talk to your girlfriend then great!
As I’m sure you’re all well aware, women are convinced they need to look a certain way. All their life they are told thin is in and thus hearing that you not only LIKE fat but want more of it, will most surely shock her, even disgust her. Be prepared for a couple days, weeks and possibly even months of hesitation on her part before she actually comes around to exploring your love for fat. If shes one of the chicks that takes it kind of hard, give her space on the matter. Continue on like normal, remind her how beautiful she is and if the moment calls for it, how much she turns you on. One possible reaction to your announcement could be that she doesn’t think you think she’s beautiful UNLESS she is fat, or that she isn’t satisfying you, which of course is a huge blow to a woman’s ego, or anyone’s for that matter. If she seems more mad (as opposed to just confused or shocked) then I would say that’s probably the least desired response you want and you’re less likely to have her come over to your side. If she’s just confused, give her some time to sort it over. Without being pushy, let her know some of the benefits to gaining (you know her better than I do, so pick things that would entice her). Also be aware that people around her (friends, parents) might notice the gain and possibly encourage her to lose weight. You need to be a very strong support for her at this time.
Okay, so, she’s agreed to give it a go! Now what? I suggest being fairly specific about what you want, but start small. If you think being really specific might scare her off (i.e. “I want you to gain 20lbs, talk about how much you love your fat belly, out grow clothes” as opposed to “well.. just put on some weight”) you’re sort of right. Hearing all of this at once COULD just make her more confused, BUT if you’re very general about what you want, she’ll feel left in the dark. Tell her what you want! It’s simple. And when she does something you like, make sure she knows! Again, be specific! If she rubs her belly after she eats and you never asked her to do that, instead of saying “you’re sexy”, specifically tell her “I love seeing you rub your belly after a meal, it’s so sexy” and she’ll do it again.
Now, back to that start small idea. Even if you’re a guy who likes BIG, 300lb+ women, hearing that you want her to put 150lbs on can be quite a shock and she’s had enough of those. At first, explain to her that you love all shapes and sizes of women, including 300+. If you don’t mention that, and then one day say “Oh btw, I want you at 300, kthx” and she isn’t okay with going past say… 230lbs, then she could feel like gaining all this time was a waste and 230 won’t be good enough. SO, like I said, be specific and tell her what you want! But still, start small. Ask if she would put about 20-30lbs on and see how she feels after that. Letting her know that you’re putting her feelings and comfortability before your needs is important. She’s most likely feeling confused and a tad vulnerable and she will need to know you’re still supporting her.
From this point on, you’re pretty much good to go and you can judge the situation for yourself. Be supportive, encouraging, complimentary and loving no matter what happens.