my goal with this blog is to give you all a glimpse into the mind of a plus sized lady who also happens to be a FFA and a bit of a gainer/feedee ;)

i will be posting mostly text, but i also hope to share some photos, links and quotes with everyone! although this blog will be mostly fat-centric, i will most likely post some every day stuff that i find interesting :)

- jessica ♥

Haters gonna’ hate

So I know I’ve talked about this before, in fact, I’m quite sick of bringing this up but I suppose it needs to be said one more time. To aaaall those people who bitch every time I leave, or even for this recent announcement that I would be using myspace less (not leaving, just LESS): What the hell is your deal?

I apologize for sounding bitchy, but I honestly don’t understand. Is it really necessary to write some troll post on a forum, or ask insulting questions on my formsprings? THAT’s why I leave. It is MY life, MY body and MY business. If all you care about is seeing naked pictures and getting your rocks off, well you shouldn’t be a fan of mine to begin with. 

Thank to you to the few people who continue to send kind words and love, it’s very appreciated <3 

What’s new? (my boring life + fat news)

I apologize for not writing recently. I’ve been somewhat busy and somewhat lazy. I really do need ideas for blogs guys, so comment or message or formsprings or whatever. 

Some people did mention they wanted to hear about my life outside of the fat lane so let’s try that. I’ve been mostly busy with my deviantART/photo taking/photo editing (shameless self promotion: link). I’ve also been baking a little bit recently. White bread, apple pie, banana bread… yummy. That’s a short list I know, but regular old white bread takes abooout… 3-4 hours to make total (including rising time), and apple pie takes about.. 2 hours. Funny thing is, I don’t even like pie. My family adores it and I wanted a challenge so pie seemed like a natural solution. Next on the list: butter tarts. 

ALSO, about a week and a half ago I met my best online friend in person! He is now my in-person boyfriend ;) I won’t give you guys too many details other than he’s my age, 6’4”, 215lbs (so, average-chubby) and the sweetest thing since chocolate chip cookies. He lives out in eastern Canada but in about… 3 days will be making the move to Toronto :) (Not because of me, but for school! He always wanted to move to TO and I was the kick in the ass he needed ;)). And yes, I plan on fattening him up ;)

What else… what else… Well, I got my school timetable for this fall. My Mondays are PACKED but I have barely anything on Thursday and NOTHING on Friday which I’m quite happy about. I also have a job interview this Tuesday, nothing fancy, just a part time job in a mall, BUT it’s money and I need lots of that. 

Fat news time! (It’s okay if you skipped ahead to this, I don’t mind.) 

Ive hit three, count ‘em THREE huge (pun intended) milestones! I can’t tell you what they are because that’ll give too much away! But I will give you some hints.

  1. One has to do with measurements. Let’s just say I’ve been looking perfectly sphere like lately…
  2. The next has to do with the numbers on the scale. It’s the total amount I’ve gained since I started until now. 
  3. The last is numbers on the scale again. It’s a milestone in itself and a bit of a goal of mine. 

A few of my measurements have increased lately actually. Belly, thighs, ass and arms. I’ve also noticed that my back rolls are getting bigger. I can actually grab a good handful and give ‘em a shake! That is… if I can reach my chubby arms behind my back! My boyfriend said he even thought my face was getting rounder, but I think that’s just wishful thinking on his part ;) I’m a little nervous about this gaining though… I’m about 10lbs away from my next clothing size and it’s SUCH a pain to buy new stuff. I’ve just been stocking up on elastic waists, yoga pants and these amazing jeans from MXM. They seriously must be God’s gift to fat women; they look EXACTLY like regular jeans but they’re pull on; no buttons or zippers! They just stretch over my huge belly and attempt to hold it all in ;) Despite the bothersome clothes issues, I’m looking forward to the next few pounds…

love it! want it!

love it! want it!

Obeservation #3

One exciting (and sometimes annoying) aspect of weight gain is how your body changes and seeing what kind of shape you are. I have frequently been told I have a unique shape and I happen to agree! I do consider myself to be a pear but I also have one heck of a belly ;) And it’s plain to see that my body has changed a lot in the past three years. Fortunately, I have learned to love every one of those changes! 

The reason I consider this an interesting observation is because there are quite a few things I have now that I didn’t think I would like back when I was smaller. The good news is, I love them all! 

The first one is stretch marks. Although right this second they’ve mostly faded to white, I still have tons on my belly, arms, chest and a few on the backs of my knees. When I was first gaining, I didn’t really have an opinion on them; I didn’t hate ‘em, but I didn’t love ‘em either. I knew for sure that I didn’t want them on areas like my arms that would be seen a lot more often than my belly. But at this point I can safely say I love them, on all areas of my body! I definitely find them sexy and I don’t mind if people see them.

The second is a fatter face. I reeeally did not want a double chin. Although right now I only have a double chin at the right angle or when I’m slouching/laying down, I love how my face looks overall! I personally think it looks better with a bit of softness to it ;) 

Another one is chubbier hands. I never liked the look of fat hands but right now I’m obsessed! I love the little dimples I have where my knuckles are, and I love my chubby little fingertips. 

The fourth is cellulite. Again, didn’t think I’d like it but I actually find it very sexy! On myself and others. 

Fifth is my fat knees! I’ve always had a little extra chub around my knees and I used to be so self conscious of it. But now I love how rounded they are and the little dimples I get around my knees when I stand or lay my legs out straight!

And finally, fat arms! During my skinnier days my arms were another thing I was self conscious of. But now, I can’t get enough of them and I can’t wait for them to get bigger!

I can’t wait for more changes ;)

"How do I get my girlfriend to gain?"

I have been asked this question many a time so I figured it was time to write a detailed, general response about it!

I would however, like to preface this blog with a little bit of an opinion. 

If you’re a man and you’re considering telling your girlfriend that you would like her bigger and/or that you would like her to explore certain aspects of your attraction/fetish with you, keep in mind it might not be exactly what you want. It is my belief that people are born with the fat attraction; it’s hardwired into them. If your girlfriend isn’t one of those people, she will never FULLY understand your wants and needs. She might come damn close and maybe you’ll even be satisfied. But for the more, what I like to call, “hardcore” FAs, certain aspects and desires may never be addressed. If you want the full experience of someone you can feed, expand and fantasize with, I would suggest looking for a woman who’s wired the same way you are ;) Personally, I don’t feel I could date a man who wasn’t wired the way I am, at least not long term. My fat attraction is a big (pun intended) part of my life, both sexually and just in fun, flirty ways and I want someone who understands it fully and someone who will support it. Okay! I’ve said what I’ve wanted to say so we’ll move on!

This has really been a hard question to answer because it can be SO different for each woman/couple. I obviously have no idea what she is like and no idea what your relationship is like. If she’s naturally very confident and your relationship is very strong, then you will most likely have fewer problems tackling this than a couple who is the exact opposite. So that’s probably my first point: confidence. How confident is your girlfriend? With her body and with her mind? How confident are YOU? If I was in the girlfriend’s shoes and my boyfriend came to me mumbling and nervous about some fat attraction, I would be much less interested in it than if he came to me knowing exactly what he wanted to say and was doing it in a flirty, somewhat sexual way that made me feel good. Anyway, back to the girl. The more confident she is, the better your chances are. However, if she’s confident BECAUSE she has a toned, athletic body, your chances would probably go down. Then again, if you’re dating someone who runs and goes to the gym regularly, you’re probably in a bad starting point to begin with. 

The next thing you need to consider is how open minded is she? It’s not JUST about becoming fat and that’s it. It is a sexual experience! If she’s open to other things, whether it’s something kinky in the bedroom, trying a weird sounding dish at a restaurant or even being open minded in her political views, then it’s more likely that she will be open to trying this! Of course, being open minded sexually is probably most important. I myself am a VERY, VERY open person in every possible way. If a man came to me and said he had a foot fetish, I’d want to experiment with it! How could I not have fun giving him pleasure? However some women are not as open so tread carefully. 

Next, how does she feel about her body? I know this ties in with confidence but I wanted to discuss this separately. If she complains that she wants to lose weight all the time, then it’s obvious she might not be into the idea of gaining for you. But there’s other things men don’t think about sometimes! Women like to look good, I’m sure you at least know that. And a huge part of that is style and clothing! Constantly outgrowing our cute clothes, not being able to shop wherever we want and having extra trouble finding things that are flattering is hard and very frustrating! I know it sounds like just some dumb girl problem but please take it seriously. ESPECIALLY if this isn’t wired into her, increasing clothing sizes will be hard on her. A helpful hint? If she already is plus size or you do get her to gain to the plus size level, treat her to a shopping spree every now and then! You don’t need to go crazy but surprise her with a gift card to a trendy plus size store, and go shopping WITH her! If you’re there to tell her how sexy she looks in things, she’ll be all the more pleased with her body and want to show it off for you. OH! And for the men who may not be aware: plus size clothing is more expensive than average size clothing. I have no idea why, but it is. So that’s yet another frustrating aspect. Also, the bigger you get, the harder it is to find cute stuff. Trendy, plus size clothes are in SHORT supply. 

Observe her attitude towards food. If she is calorie conscious it will clearly make it harder for her to transition into eating anything and everything. If she’s more relaxed and enjoys food, then she will likely have no problem indulging herself. The same thing goes for exercise. If shes strict about it, or even slightly routine then you might have trouble. If one or some of her favourite things to do includes being active (for example, my best friend loves going bike riding for fun) then it’s less likely she will want to gain. 

Take into account all of the above. If you’re still reading this because you’re still going to go ahead and talk to your girlfriend then great! 

As I’m sure you’re all well aware, women are convinced they need to look a certain way. All their life they are told thin is in and thus hearing that you not only LIKE fat but want more of it, will most surely shock her, even disgust her. Be prepared for a couple days, weeks and possibly even months of hesitation on her part before she actually comes around to exploring your love for fat. If shes one of the chicks that takes it kind of hard, give her space on the matter. Continue on like normal, remind her how beautiful she is and if the moment calls for it, how much she turns you on. One possible reaction to your announcement could be that she doesn’t think you think she’s beautiful UNLESS she is fat, or that she isn’t satisfying you, which of course is a huge blow to a woman’s ego, or anyone’s for that matter. If she seems more mad (as opposed to just confused or shocked) then I would say that’s probably the least desired response you want and you’re less likely to have her come over to your side. If she’s just confused, give her some time to sort it over. Without being pushy, let her know some of the benefits to gaining (you know her better than I do, so pick things that would entice her). Also be aware that people around her (friends, parents) might notice the gain and possibly encourage her to lose weight. You need to be a very strong support for her at this time. 

Okay, so, she’s agreed to give it a go! Now what? I suggest being fairly specific about what you want, but start small. If you think being really specific might scare her off (i.e. “I want you to gain 20lbs, talk about how much you love your fat belly, out grow clothes” as opposed to “well.. just put on some weight”) you’re sort of right. Hearing all of this at once COULD just make her more confused, BUT if you’re very general about what you want, she’ll feel left in the dark. Tell her what you want! It’s simple. And when she does something you like, make sure she knows! Again, be specific! If she rubs her belly after she eats and you never asked her to do that, instead of saying “you’re sexy”, specifically tell her “I love seeing you rub your belly after a meal, it’s so sexy” and she’ll do it again.

Now, back to that start small idea. Even if you’re a guy who likes BIG, 300lb+ women, hearing that you want her to put 150lbs on can be quite a shock and she’s had enough of those. At first, explain to her that you love all shapes and sizes of women, including 300+. If you don’t mention that, and then one day say “Oh btw, I want you at 300, kthx” and she isn’t okay with going past say… 230lbs, then she could feel like gaining all this time was a waste and 230 won’t be good enough. SO, like I said, be specific and tell her what you want! But still, start small. Ask if she would put about 20-30lbs on and see how she feels after that. Letting her know that you’re putting her feelings and comfortability before your needs is important. She’s most likely feeling confused and a tad vulnerable and she will need to know you’re still supporting her. 

From this point on, you’re pretty much good to go and you can judge the situation for yourself. Be supportive, encouraging, complimentary and loving no matter what happens. 

Obeservation #2!

I apologize for not writing or posting anything lately! To be honest, I had no idea WHAT to post! I need ideas people ;)

So, I was checking my formsprings (which you should all go check out as well!) and funny enough, people have been asking about my tumblr and when I’m going to post again, but THEN someone asked if I liked wearing tight clothes or baggy clothes. This simple little question gave me a blog idea :)

The quick answer of course is tight clothes ;) But for those interesting in a little more detail, here you go: 

Over the past… hmm, I’d say 6 months, my confidence has skyrocketed! I think one of the main reasons for this is because I met a couple of online friends, in person. Of course since I met them online, they were FA’s and I got to experience a few things I had not experienced in my life yet. The main reason is that I had not gone out with or had relationships with any FA’s so even just being out with them at movies, the mall, the lake, whatever, was a brand new feeling for me. It was rather liberating! I could talk about whatever I wanted, get seconds or thirds at McDonald’s and I was encouraged to wear what I looked fat in!

So that I believe was the main thing that gave my confidence a good boost, and after that, I worked it all out on my own. I might also make a note that one of the guys I spent time with, he seemed a little uncomfortable with being affectionate in public and this is was just my thinking, but I thought perhaps the being seen with a bigger woman thing wasn’t 100% OK with him yet. Although I can understand why that might be the case, it still frustrated me to no end. With this new found confidence and liberating feeling, I wanted someone to show me off! So instead, I just showed myself off. Which is where the tight clothes come in. 

Over the past 6 months I’ve found myself drawn to well fitting, curve hugging, bulge showing clothes! They aren’t necessarily too small for me (perhaps others would beg to differ), just very fitted. 

Some examples of what I LOVE to wear are yoga pants and leggings. You really can’t get any tighter or more revealing than this unless you wore nothing but knee high socks. I feel VERY comfortable in both articles of clothing and think I look damn good in them ;)

I also LOVE wearing tight hoodies. Even though hoodies are generally bulkier than teeshirts and such, they seem to fit more snug than teeshirts do. They’re ALWAYS super tight around my arms (well, everything is) and around my huge love handles. I won’t lie, I love when I see the elastic trim stretching around my wide hips ;)

Another top favourite of mine is wearing tight tank tops or camis and throwing a shrug or cropped cardigan over it. I know all that fashion talk might seem foreign to some guys so I’ll try and describe. The shrug is sexy because it essentially just covers my back and arms, leaving my chest, belly and sides fully exposed in that super tight tank top. And the cropped cardigan pretty much does the same, although it CAN cover my chest if I button it up, though usually I don’t. 

Overall I’ve been very drawn to tight clothes recently. I want a NICE pair of skinny jeans (like ones that really cling to my calves and ankles) and a corset top. I also want a classic black pencil skirt and maybe some nice tight fitted dresses. Here’s one example of something I’d like:

Too bad I’m broke, eh? ;)


Haha, that title is totally lame, I know. BUT it’s my new word for when I make a fat observation! Meaning new developments or things I notice as I’m gaining/since I’ve gained.

Anyway, I know this has come to be expected, but I still find it somewhat interesting and amusing. My average, every day quantities of food has increased! I’m not just talking about when I’m purposefully trying to eat more. I’m talking about what I need to eat in order to not feel hungry anymore!

Here are some examples.

  • Hot Dogs - I now eat 4 at a meal instead of the 3 I used to eat before.
  • Pizza - A large pizza (14” I believe) is 10 slices. Instead of 6, I now eat 8-10 slices.
  • McDonald’s - a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese + med fries and drink used to fill me up no problem, sometimes I wouldn’t even be able to finish my fries. Now I can not only finish that meal, but I usually want a double cheeseburger or two in addition to the meal.
  • Sit Down Restaurants - Everyone knows the portions at those places are HUGE. And I almost always get a bacon cheeseburger with fries. A couple years ago I might not have finished my burger or fries. Then maybe I year ago, finishing the burger and fries was easy! Now, I not only finish the burger fries and multiple drinks, but I have room for dessert too! 
  • My snack sizes have drastically increased as well. In fact, “snacks” are now basically meals. Three of four corn dogs, two grilled cheeses, half a bag of cookies, four donuts… the list goes on.
  • And of course I almost ALWAYS have seconds at every meal ;) 

That about wraps up my little thought for the day, or my “obeservation”, haha. If it catches on, maybe there will be more to come!

My Story

This is going to be a long one. Many people have been asking about how I got started gaining, posting, etc etc. I’ve posted before but of course with my leaving, my blog entries were deleted and my story lost. SO I’m going to give you guys as much detail as I can remember!

Before I start, I would like to state a couple of things.

  • I consider my attraction to fat and gaining, a fetish
  • I was BORN with this. I’m not just another fat girl who was too lazy to lose weight and decided to embrace my body or had a boyfriend introduce me to this.

Let’s begin.

As I said above, I was born with this. I can remember paying extra notice to weight gain in cartoons as early as 7 years old (give or take a year). Like a lot of people I’ve heard from, I would stuff my shirt with pillows or blankets to simulate a bigger belly. As a child I was always a bit chubby as well. Also like most people, I payed special attention to cartoons that showed weight gain or inflation. One of the most influential cartoons I can remember was called Hunky and Spunky, the episode was ‘Snubbed by a Snob’ and featured an exaggerated water bloat. I can specifically remember feeling what I now know to be sexual excitement while watching these cartoons.

As I got older, around the pre-teen age, despite my attraction, I was still convinced I needed to lose weight. This lead me to a weight loss sight called Blubber Buster (hah, I know, great name, eh?). The site is actually still up and running if anyone wants to have a look: Anyway, even though I was trying (and being somewhat successful) to lose weight, I couldn’t help but be drawn to the people who were gaining, or the odd person who would post a descriptive paragraph about how fat they used to be and how they didn’t fit their clothes etc, etc.

Now that I was online and starting to figure myself out a bit, my curiosity would get the best of me. Like any novice, I would Google image search “fat” and the like. My search results brought me to Yahoo!Groups. Due to the fact that the FA community is dominated by female models, the majority of the pictures I found were female, and for a long time I thought I was attracted to women. After surfing around groups for a while, I found Dimensions’ Stories. I was quite picky about the ones I read; I liked a LOT of detail that most people just didn’t give. I eventually found this story. That story actually ended up being another big influence to me and helped me realize that it was in fact men that I was attracted to.

I can’t remember exact ages or dates but around… I’d say age 14 or 15, maybe closer to 15, I found, now known as Curvage! The posts I found on there sent me to YouTube and the mass amount of videos available to me. I found I searched mostly men, usually above 250lbs. Tight clothes, button popping and attempts at exercising were some of my favourites. As I mentioned before, there’s a serious lack of male posters out there so I gave in and watched female videos. Again, I generally looked at woman 250lbs+, belly play, tight clothes and button popping. For the record, I was never a fan of eating videos/post-eating videos until later on.

Again, even with my attraction, I was still trying to lose weight. Around age 14/15 I was at about 170lbs, and thanks to gym in grade 9, I got down to about 145lbs.

Almost right after I turned 16 (May 2007) I became interested in posting my own videos, but not gaining (yet!). I believe it was that summer, I posted my first video at about 150lbs. I received very positive feedback and decided to keep posting videos. Why I ended up gaining is a little fuzzy now. I was meeting people and talking to them more personally over IM which helped me start to learn about what I liked and what turned me on. I think the praise I was receiving as well as the natural growing up process gave me the confidence to embrace my body and stop caring about what I ate. As I’ve said many times before, a lot of my gain wasn’t necessarily intentional. I stopped counting calories and just ate what I wanted. What I wanted happened to be fast food and large amounts of cakes and cookies ;) so I gained.

Since I’ve been public from that point until now (minus my absences), you all are mostly well aware of my gain and story from the past three years. Just as a refresher, and keep in mind that MY mind is still a bit blurry on dates and details, here’s a bit of a time line:

  • Summer/Fall 2007 (start) - 150lbs
  • Winter 2007/2008 - 165lbs
  • Spring 2008 - 175lbs
  • Summer 2008 - 185lbs
  • Fall 2008 - 190lbs
  • Winter 2008/2009 - 200lbs
  • Spring 2009 (when I last left) - 220lbs
  • Summer 2010 - ??? ;)

I think that’s about right. You guys probably remember better than I do!

As I’ve gained it’s been a mix of emotions. Sometimes I would get discouraged (like when my family found out everything) and want to lose weight but of course I never did. I also went through other issues during the last three years that weren’t weight related, hence the disappearances. BUT I am happy to report that I have never been more confident in my entire life, nor as excited to gain and be bigger!

You guys are in for a treat ;)

It’s raining men!

With probably about 85% male fans, I often get asked what kind of guy I’m attracted to. People are also probably curious because I am a FFA, so I have tons of body types to choose from! Just for the sake of covering everything, I’ll start with personality first and then explain physical.

I know this is a classic, but a good sense of humor is a must! Witty and sarcastic tends to be my favourite. On a similar note, I like a guy who is relaxed and laid back. If plans change for reasons we can’t control or something like that, I like a guy who just accepts it and makes new plans without any fuss. Another must have quality is good communication skills. I like a guy who is open about his feelings and thoughts and includes me in his life by letting me know the big things going on. Being communicative also means he listens to me, remembers important things I say and is perceptive to how I’m feeling. Outgoing is another must. I’m fairly outgoing, I don’t get embarrassed easily, I’m loud and I’m super into PDA so I need a guy who can be comfortable with me.

Let’s get physical! Haha. Okay, I’m aaall over the map when it comes to what I like about men physically so I’ll try and be as clear as possible!

When it comes to hair, I like dark preferably. Browns, black, reds and crazy colours. Hair length doesn’t usually matter. I tend to like it at least a couple inches longer or more. I also LOVE facial hair! Scruffy is good. I actually like body hair as well. Eye colour doesn’t matter. When it comes to height and weight, I’m usually not too picky. The best way I can describe it is to list combinations :P

  • 55" - 58”: I would prefer probably a slim athletic (175ish lbs) or stocky with a bit of a belly (200-220lbs).
  • 59" - 60”: Anything really. Athletic (180lbs), Muscle-y (215lbs), Chubby (230lbs) and fat (up to 280lbs)
  • 60" or more: Once again, anything goes. Athletic, muscles, chubby, and fat. But being taller, I’d be into as high as 350lbs probably. 

Keep in mind the weights are approximations. Everyone has a different body type of course. The only type I’m not a big fan of is skinny (usually about 165lbs or less) BUT it can work if he’s tall. I’m ALWAYS a fan of big, strong arms on any body type and those are usually a must. And when it comes to fat men, I’m definitely a belly kinda girl as opposed to liking a pear shaped guy. And when it comes to moobs.. again, it depends on the guy. Sometimes I find them sexy, sometimes I don’t.

I think that about covers everything. If I missed anything that you’re curious about, let me know!